Whore Hearted: Embracing Love, Loss...

I stood in my backyard, as heartbroken as I’d ever felt. I couldn’t see clearly through the prismatic blur of tears but my family stood at the top of the hill, watching, their shadows wavering in front of a scorching Southern sunset sliding behind the trees.

No birds, no angels, no whispers of condolence. Just me and the rhythmic snick, snick, snick of a shovel striking stubborn Georgia clay. Hours it took that hole to appear, and I wished against the hopelessness that I would run out out of tears before it turned to mud.

I never did.

I wrapped him in his favorite blanket, his body stiffening already. Death conspired to rob me of even that last measure of peace, our final embrace as I carried him was artificial, rigid and cold. I could feel the coldness, the hardness within him seep into my chest, the icy finger of death stabbing the awful punctuation of his life directly into my heart.

Never again

It’s an oath I’ve broken many times.

I am better for it.

Losing my dog was a heartbreak so deep it felt like a piece of my soul had been torn away. But as painful as his absence is, the love and lessons he gave me outweigh the grief. He taught me how to love unconditionally, to find joy in the smallest, simplest moments — a wagging tail, a shared sunset, the quiet comfort of just being together.

He filled my heart in ways I never knew were possible, teaching me patience, loyalty, and a tenderness I didn’t know I had. His life was a gift, a reminder to live in the moment and cherish every second we’re given. As much as it hurts to say goodbye, the life we shared was worth every tear. I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything, because in the end, the love he gave me will always outweigh the pain of his loss.

The heartbreak of loving and losing gives us a true understanding of the depth of life’s beauty. If I had locked my heart away, afraid of the inevitable pain that comes with love, I would have missed the joy, the companionship, and the profound connection my dog brought into my life and the next one after that. Keeping our hearts open means embracing the full spectrum of what it means to live joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, beginnings and endings. Yes, an open heart makes us vulnerable to loss, but it also makes us capable of love so profound it changes who we are.

When we allow ourselves to love fully, we experience a richness that far outweighs the fear of hurt. Love stretches the boundaries of our hearts, making them larger, more resilient, and more capable of compassion.

Each experience has taught me that even the most fleeting connections can leave a lasting imprint, and that the pain of goodbye is a small price to pay for the privilege of saying hello.

To close ourselves off is to miss these moments, to rob ourselves of the light love brings. It’s not the absence of pain that makes life meaningful it’s the courage to love despite it.

In spite of my vow, I went the opposite way.

My heart is a whore. And I’m all the better for it.

My head, however. That needs constant work.

I’ve begun to see the value of treating your mind as an exclusive club. Inside are the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that define who you are and how you see the world. The trouble is, not all thoughts deserve to be there.

Some come dressed in sharp suits of logic, whispering doubts and fears that sound reasonable but leave you paralyzed.

Others, loud and obnoxious, burst through the door, screaming negativity or replaying past mistakes on an endless loop.

Without a bouncer, the club becomes chaos.

A strong bouncer at the door of your mind doesn’t let just any thought waltz in. When self-doubt approaches with its snide remarks

“You’ll never be good enough”

Snap your fingers and the bouncer lumbers over, “Who told you that? You’re not welcome here.”

When guilt or shame tries to revisit mistakes you’ve already moved past, the bouncer shows them the exit.

The bouncer doesn’t ignore reality it simply asks whether a thought is constructive, whether it builds you up or tears you down. With a bouncer in place, your mind becomes a space for clarity, growth, and inspiration. It’s where your best ideas and truest beliefs have room to dance.

But the heart? The heart is no club. It’s not a place for exclusivity. If the mind is where we build walls, the heart is where we break them down. The heart needs a revolving door, one that allows people and experiences to flow in and out freely.

This door lets love enter without hesitation, but just as importantly, it allows pain and resentment to leave. When someone disappoints you, the revolving door reminds you:

Feel it.

Forgive it.

Let it go.

When you experience loss, it allows the grief to visit, to teach you something about love’s depth, and then gently lets it move on so you can make room for joy again. If life has taught me nothing, it has demonstrated this.

A revolving door doesn’t mean everything stays forever ,it means nothing gets stuck. It means your heart remains open to new connections, new dreams, and new chances to love, even after it’s been broken.

When we lock our hearts, afraid of being hurt, we lose the capacity to grow. But when we keep them open. When we trust the flow of life we discover that every goodbye creates space for a new hello, every ache stretches us wider for the joy that will follow.

Guard your mind fiercely. Open your heart completely. And watch how life transforms when you strike this beautiful, liberating balance.

As I write this, my newest dog is nestled in my lap, his warmth and gentle breaths filling me with a quiet kind of peace. I know that one day, I’ll have to say goodbye to him too. My head, ever practical, whispers warnings about the heartbreak to come, the inevitable sting of loss that loving him will bring. But my heart, wiser in its simplicity, reminds me that the joy he will bring into my life will far outweigh the pain.

Every wag of his tail, every goofy, joyful leap, and every moment of quiet companionship is a gift, a reminder that love is always worth the risk. He will fill my days with laughter, comfort, and lessons that I cannot yet imagine. And when the time comes to say goodbye, I know my heart will ache, but it will also be bigger, fuller, and more grateful for having loved him. That’s the magic of an open heart — it allows us to embrace the beauty of now, even as we know it won’t last forever. Because love, no matter how fleeting, is always worth it.